Ignorance is bliss
by StarryCat
Summary: A one shot featuring a few days in the life of Kon. First fanfic I've written in a long time...enjoy!


Ignorance is Bliss

Ignorance is Bliss

Dear Journal,

My life sucks. It stinks, it's rotten. Today was particularly horrible. Ichigo's sister…the younger one…she dressed me up again. It was a puffy pink dress today…and she super glued jewels to my ears as earrings. When I escaped and ran back to Ichigo's room…only Rukia-sama was in there. She was reading a book as she listened to Ichigo's Ipod. She laughed at me when she saw me, then went back to reading. I died a thousand deaths. I had to wait for Ichigo to come home to take the dress off…he took a picture with his cell phone first. And he couldn't get the jewels off. He snickered and said I looked queer. His dad burst in the room then, and in his panic to hide me, Ichigo threw me out the window. He lives on the 2nd story. I laid in the bushes for a while until he came and got me late tonight. It rained while I waited…and he's hung me out to dry overnight. Clothespins attached to your ears hurts. I hate the human world.

Not only that, everyone's general mistreatment of me is just wrong. What, do I exist for entertainment purposes only?! I too…am useful…but to look at me…hanging out here on the balcony, you wouldn't think so! I am not the only soul here in a plush…er…animal body, yet I get the least amount of respect. I must be doing something wrong.

Ichigo just turned his light out…I guess this means I'm done for the night. So I'll leave you with this…I hate my life.

Sincerely, Kon.

Dear Journal,

I had the most brilliant idea after I finished writing in you last night…I had lots of time to mule my fate over as I hung on the clothes line all night. And I thought that I needed instruction! I needed instruction in how to get respect. So I went to go spy…er…study the other 3 mod-souls here in Karakura town.

It was a good idea…until I actually went and did it. Today ended up being an eye-openingly weird day. Here's what happened.

Ichigo took me off the clothes line this morning after he got up. The clothespins left indentations in my ears…but because of the rain, the jewels had fallen off. I'd rather live with the indentations. I bided my time in Ichigo's room until I heard him and Rukia leave for school, soon followed by his sisters. While the house was empty…or…er…mainly empty, since Ichigo's dad was still around there somewhere, I snuck out and headed for Urahara's shop. I had heard that's where the 3 mod souls had been free-loading. And Renji. I don't like him. Just between us, Journal, he's not as cool as Ichigo. Not that Ichigo is cool…I'm just sayin…

Anyway, it took some doing…Urahara's kids…assistants…whatever or whoever they are…they're the devil. They scare me. That's just between us too, Journal. But as I was saying, the innocently cute looking little girl, Ururu…who is really the devil maybe…she was sweeping in front of the store, Mr. Tessai stacking crates. The other brat…Jinta…was no where in sight. But that didn't mean anything; I still needed to take care as I shimmied up the side of the drainpipe. But I did it, I found my targets lounging in one of the back rooms and I climbed onto the windowsill, pressing my face against the glass. Not sure what I would have done if any of them had seen me. I guess that wasn't the smartest move to make when spying…I mean…studying. But they didn't see me. Ririn was watching TV as she ate a bag of chips, Claude talking to her. She kept telling him to shut up, and I think the other one, Nova, was just watching them between commercials. And this is what they proceeded to do for the next HOUR. They are as interesting as peeling paint. If I started acting like them, Ichigo would just yell at me for being lazy and getting crumbs on his bed or something.

So I quickly came to the conclusion I had picked the wrong subject, and I went to search for the other possibility. Or in theory I would have, had it not nearly jumped on me on it's decent from the roof of the shop. That cat is going to be the death of me at some point. And speaking of…I just don't get the deal with it. Yoruichi-sama is a babe-ilicious woman. Why's she run around as a cat anyway?! As a GUY cat, even. I am surrounded by too many conundrums in this place. Nothing makes sense half the time anymore. I jumped off the window after her, not a smart move. I fell on my face, and quickly got up, dusting myself off. I looked around for her, and spied her walking down the alley, heading for who knows where. I of course followed after. If I knew then what I know now…I would have just gone home. Ignorance is bliss and all that.

But noooo. I had to follow the cat. And follow her I did….and follow, and follow, and follow….where the heck was she going?! To make a long story short…we finally ended up at the fish market. This required us to walk from one side of Karakura Town to the other. Maybe she knew I was following her. Maybe she was trying to kill me. Maybe **she's** the devil…

She stopped beside one of the stalls and watched the guy who worked there unload some fish from his truck for a while until he finished, then meowed-of all things- to get his attention. He looked down and smiled when he saw the cat, pulling off one of his stinky fish gloves to pet her on the head. He couldn't see me, so I was able to gag from the rank smell without fear of discovery.

"Why, hello Kitty. You're here later then usual today." Is what he said to her, Yoruichi-sama meowing in answer as he straightened, and walked into his stall, disappearing from sight. Thank God, we were finally done here….or so I though, until he returned, a plate in his hand. I didn't see what it was until he sat it on the ground in front of Yoruichi-sama, and patted her on the head again before he returned to his work. Dude had given her a plate of Sushi. What the hell?! Ichigo wouldn't even give me a **piece** of Sushi. And she gets a whole plate. I suddenly had the suspicion that this cat knew how to work it…

I take that back…it wasn't a suspicion. It was a fact. As from there, our next stop was at the grocery store, where again, she was greeted with an air of familiarity, and given a saucer of milk. Then it was a stop at the park, where she sat on some old woman's lap who was watching her husband play mahjong…I think she took a nap for a while. I almost wondered off then, but I was determined to stick it out. I still hadn't learned her secret of **how** she tricked all these people into giving her what she wanted. Anyway, after a while, she suddenly sat up in alert and giving a short meow, jumped off the woman's lap and ran off across the park. It was hard to keep up, but I did as we left the park and she darted down an alley, jumped a fence…which was hard to do…and I kid you not, one claw extended, kung-fu chopped a hollow across the head. I was in awe as it disintegrated and she landed on her feet and sashayed off past the dog who was cowering in fear inside his dog house. I looked in as I walked past it…not a smart move. I sort of last track of Yoruichi-sama then…as I was chased around the yard by the dog. 15 minutes later, I managed to climb over the fence, one arm nearly ripped from my body. Great, just great. Now I'd have to get taken to Ishida…

I had no idea where Yoruichi-sama had gone now, but we were close to Urahara's shop, so I figured I'd try there. See if she had gone back home or something. She had, and I had to nearly risk my life to sneak into the house to find her, but I did. I should have just gone home. No. Seriously. I should have gone home. When I found her, she was in one of the interior rooms, talking to Urahara about the Hollow. The door was still ajar, and I snuck in, hiding behind the table next to the door. It was a tight spot, but I was able to see them around the side of the table, unnoticeable.

He said something to her once she'd finished talking, and she said no as he nodded, getting up to come over and shut the door as she morphed from a cat into her human form in a puff of purplish smoke…er…what were the two planning to…wait…this is a bedroom…I **really** should have gone home. Since they proceeded to get it on. I thought they were just friends. I guess not. I feel dirty.

A while later, I finally managed to escape the room and I looked around for the nearest window. I spied one at the end of the hall and with a running lunge; I threw myself at the window. It was closed. Of course. I smacked into it and knocked myself silly. I was still seeing stars when I felt someone pick me up by one ear, my ripped arm flopping back and forth as the person who held onto me twisted me around so I could see their face. It was Rukia…my savior. She cocked her eyebrow, planting her free hand on her hip.

"What are you doing in here? And why do you look like that?" She demanded as she eyed my ripped and battered body. I couldn't help it then, and began to cry.

"R...R…Rukia-sama. My savior. I want to go home." I said, as she sniffed and made a face, extending her arm to hold me further away from her.

"Wet dog and fish." She muttered with a scowl as she turned and headed off down the hallway, still holding onto me by my ear. I really couldn't blame her. I did smell. She didn't say anything else as we left the shop, and true to my suspicions, she headed directly for the school.

Once we'd gotten there, we headed upstairs to one of the class rooms, and she shoved the door open and proceeded to walk across the room, dropping me on the desk in front of Ishida. He looked shocked. And disgusted.

"What the…gah! My gosh, he reeks, Rukia." He exclaimed in irritation, as Rukia shrugged somewhat.

"Mmm. Can you sew his arm back on?" She demanded as Ishida wrinkled his nose, none the less picking up a sewing needle.

"Yeah…if I don't die first." He snapped. He then proceeded to sew my arm back to my body, gagging all the while.

"There. I'm finished. Now get him out of here before I die." He said as Rukia glanced around.

"I need a plastic bag." She stated as Ishida shrugged. What'd she want a plastic bag for?!

"**I **don't have one, but there's probably a garbage bag in here you could use." He said as she nodded, and went to go rummage around for one. Ishida was desperate for us to leave, as he went to help her, and I still wondered what she wanted it for. I soon found out, since they found one. And she then proceeded to open it, and throw me inside. Oh. It was making sense now. And like I said, I really couldn't blame her.

About 15 minutes later, we were back home, and she must have headed straight to Ichigo's room, since I could tell she was climbing stairs. I heard her open the door, and then she threw me…..still in the bag… on Ichigo's bed. He must not have been home, since she didn't say anything, and then I heard the door close and her footsteps fade off down the hall. So I lay there in the bag for who knows how long. It must have been hours. And all I could think about was how I hated my life. And also how ignorance is bliss, and I decided I should keep the relationship between Yoruichi-sama and Urahara a secret. Finally, I heard the door open, and someone turned the light on.

"What the heck is that?!" I heard Ichigo exclaim as he walked across the room. He picked the bag up and I heard rustling as he untied the bag and glanced inside, rolling his eyes as he stared at me.

"Kon?! What **is** that smell…I don't even want to know." He snapped as he closed the bag. I was on the move again, not sure where I was going until he stopped, and opened the bag, dumping me in the washing machine. Well…isn't this great.

"Er…what are you doing?!" I exclaimed in panic as he shrugged.

"What do you **think** I'm doing?" He snapped as he dumped laundry detergent and fabric softener inside, water beginning to fill the basin.

"No! Wait! Are you really going to wash me in the **Washing Machine**?!" I exclaimed as he nodded resolutely, slamming the lid down. I was left in darkness then, water continuing to fill the basin. I really hated my life then.

Needless to say, I nearly downed in the washing machine that night. And once **that** oh so fun Jacuzzi was finished, Ichigo threw me in the dryer. Where I almost had my brains bashed out. I didn't know what way was up when Ichigo finally deemed me dry and took me out, sitting me on his desk once back in his room.

"Well, I don't know what **you** did today, but unless you **want **repeat trips to the washer…you'd better find something else to do to occupy your time." He told me before he turned the light out and went to bed.

And that was my day, Journal. If I never set foot outside this room again it'll be too soon. But I do smell squeaky clean and like sakura. Couldn't he have picked a more manly fabric softener?!

Sincerely,

Kon.


End file.
